October 15, 2008

• The Puzzle

   

  I am the quintessence of a human being: 

  I know myself…I know what I think…what I feel…what my values are…all those together make up who I am.   And yet….if I look carefully….I notice that I often behave in ways that are not what I expected….I intend to be patient…and then I am impatient…..I say things….but not in the way I intended.  I know exactly who I am and what I believe….until that changes.  I’m sure of how I feel….yet I feel different about the same thing at different times.   Strong one moment….vulnerable the next….depending on what’s happening….or the perspective I take.  Fraught with doubt and insecurity….doubting I am good enough….wondering if I am loveable.  The quintessential human being. 

  So can I say I really know myself?  No….and I don’t feel like I have much control over it either.  But I am learning that this is because my egoic self….the self I identify with as “me”….is actually just a projection of the idle play of the mind.  I just learned from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor that the two halves of the brain work independently and actually have different personalities and different motivations.  So that, right there, makes it difficult to hold it together as a person.  The brain is a wonderful organ provided to protect us….but it is in no way who we are at all.  We are the dendritic, sensate extensions of the conscious energy field and as such….who we really are has nothing to do with the mind.

  I am also a person on the verge….having enrolled myself in the school of the spiritual path as a little girl, my desire to “awaken” as Eckhart Tolle speaks of in his books, is I think sincere; yet, I am not awakened….I live as I described above — a huge proportion of the time identified with my egoic existence….my “self” in the worldly dimension.

  This is perhaps true of all of us quintessential human beings….we’re good people, spiritual people.  We are not evil, not doing anything wrong in our daily lives…mostly being helpful to our fellow man.  Most of us are aware of a higher meaning in life….a spiritual goal….we are trying to reach our essential self….to live in the moment….to connect with the conscious energy field….to reach our awakening.  But we’re not “there” either. 

  

  Perhaps this is our time.  Perhaps the Universe sends helpers for those such as us…. humans on the verge of awakening into momentary consciousness.  We walk the edge….finished, in some ways, with the world….but unable to awaken into Universal Consciousness.  Everything seems to be changing in the world around us right now….but perhaps it is us….perhaps it is the moment for our journey….through the portal into present moment consciousness.  The journey that is not a journey….because we are already there….Maybe this is our time to realize it.

  The question is: 

  will I awaken? 

  And notice the word “will” in that sentence. 

  I will have to will it to make it happen.

  It is my choice.

  I am told that our world is in a precarious place now, a possible impending end to the beautiful Planet Earth’s biotic layer, the end to human beings as a species, as we apparently destroy ourselves through various actions… inevitable given human nature.  Some think that humans have so tormented the Earth that she will slough us off in her death throes.  Some think that a big planetary event will just put an end to everything…like an asteroid, or sun storms while the magnetic field is low.  Many think these events are being drawn to us by the intensely negative vibrations of the human world.  Many speak of 2012.

  But I have also heard that we can avert the disaster.  The wise tell us that by awakening to our true existence as, you might say, expressions of, or intentions of the Conscious Energy Field, we can live differently…bring peace…save the Earth…prevent the destruction….bring life.

  

  Yes!  I want to awaken…I want to avert disaster…I don’t want to harm the Earth…I don’t want the living things here to suffer.  The question is…what do I do?  Me, the small, insignificant, so they tell me, child of the Earth, and of the Universe.  What do I do? 

  The wise tell me that the day to day reality we live in and experience around us is a creation of the Collective, Egoic Mind.  Wrap your mind around this for a moment…we are all creating our shared reality here on Earth collectively, simultaneously, with our individual egoic minds.

  To explain a bit further…Some of us have known for a long time that all is vibration, whether you talk physics or ”new age”.  Our thoughts have characteristic frequencies…our mental state emanates out into the energy field as a vibration at all times…joining all other vibrations from the inmates of the planet…creating the vibrational state of our world…this is the Collective Egoic Mind…. So it is us…We are manifesting —  

  The Poverty

  The Wars

  (there are currently 30 or so in the world)

  The Suffering in Myriads of Forms

  The Insecurity of our Economic Systems and Governments

  The Destruction of our Planetary Mother, the Earth

  Have I left anything out???

  When I felt sometimes that I couldn’t understand the phenomenon of the Collective Egoic Mind, I asked myself…”who is creating the reality we live in?”, and the answer was clear to see — we are.  Look around…is there anyone else here?  If it is hard to think of thoughts as vibrations…perhaps it is easier to see that all actions come from thoughts, yes?  And all of the violence and misery in the human world come from the actions of human beings.

  

  But we don’t want any of those things.  We don’t like evil and destruction.  And yet they continue to occur.  How can we be responsible for this?  What can we do?  Many of us live peacefully.  Many have walked the spiritual path all their lives…for a while I thought that was enough…beyond that what else can anyone do???

  Well recently I have learned that the problem is…that as long as we are identified with our ego, and our egoic self…we are contributing to the egoic world.  We must ask, “Am I really free from my identification with my egoic reality?”  If we get angry, if we feel that we want or need things, if we are sad…if we experience anything negative, we are living in identification with the ego. 

  Yes, I cannot necessarily go out and change events….and I cannot change my self….that has been tried.  But I can stop identifying with myself and this egoic life.  Paradoxically, although existing in momentary presence is instantaneous, there seems to be a journey that we take to reach a point where we realize this.  A journey through life and the teachings of our wise ones.  This journey is what I would like to blog about….perhaps we can help each other find the way.

  Just now I stepped outside on my veranda and saw seven hawks circling in a group.  Usually loners…wonder what they’re all doing together?  It’s a sign I thought…starting to write here is auspicious.  They formed a lazy single file line and flew away one by one to the south. 

   The other amazing thing in the sky today is the monarch butterflies fluttering overhead on their long journey from the U.S. to their winter home in Michoacan, Mexico.  It is easy to mistake them for sparrows at first as they fly  pretty high.  They travel individually, each carefully riding their own tiny stream of the air current — sometimes swirling around in an eddy, sometimes floating sideways, but all heading in the same direction.  One swooped down and went right by my window!  How incredible these determined little creatures are, and how delicate!  Today as I watch hundreds go over, they are flying through the rain!  I fear the hawks were there to eat them.

  They use magnetite in the cells of their body to find the way….matching it’s field direction with that of their destination.  I will write more about what I have learned about magnetite in the future.

  • 8:23 pm
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